A Personal Story of Finding Strength

Standing under the steaming hot water in the shower last night, I felt a tightness in my throat as a tear rolled down my cheek.

An image had popped into my head of a young girl giving herself a sponge bath. Two large bowls of precious hot water and a sort of bucket under her feet. She was so careful about spilling as little of the water as possible, as she washed herself. Standing in a cold shower in an even colder bathroom.

She had heated the water one pot at a time. She stood there shaking and shivering so hard that she had to keep her mouth clamped painfully closed. She had done the same mediocre bathing ritual to her younger brothers an hour before.

They were tucked into her bed, curled around each other for warmth, sleeping so soundly. She had found them all the extra blankets that she could. As soon as she would dry off and get dressed, she would crawl into bed with her siblings and keep them as warm as their shared body heat would allow.

That young girl was me.

Growing up, my family had some hard times.

I remember that winter so well.

No money for propane to heat the house or the water. Having to boil water for makeshift baths and washing dishes. I ate a lot of white rice and beans that winter, so my brothers could eat better. Walking to school, because I was too embarrassed to ride the bus, consequently being tardy a heck of a lot. I got teased about my clothes and my hygiene. No one knew the truth. No one cared to ask.

I've gone back to visit that young girl, in meditation.

I hold her, tell her I am so sorry for what she is going through. I tell her that someone knows now. I wipe her tears with mine as I share our pain, because I had to be so strong then. My brothers never saw me cry. I had to be strong for them. 

I have always had to be strong.

I have always had to.

For someone else.

Now I am strong for me.

I am still strong for others, I have a family after all, but it is a different strength.

I strive to be successful, because I have lived with the strength of sacrifice.

I live a life filled with love, because I have experienced strength during pain.

I am grateful for the good in my life, because I have been the strength in destitution.

I see others with an open heart, because I discovered my strength in ridicule.

I listen with my heart, because I was the strength of silence.

I give my smile easily. I listen without judgement. I speak with love.

I am very open and honest about my life and my self, because I am strong enough to.

I am a Mother. I am a Woman. I am Strong.

Are you strong?

Blessings and Love,

Andrea Faye