Seven Ways A Woman Can Be Open And Vulnerable In A Relationship

Ladies, have you ever been in a relationship that started with fireworks, romance, and late night talks? Everything was all roses and champagne? You settle in and settle down into what you believe is going to be years of sublime domestic bliss!

Then life interrupts your blissful delusions and reality comes crashing in.

Weekends with you becomes weekends with the boys. He used to bring you roses and chocolates and now he wants you to bring him beer and chips. Going out to dine at fine restaurants has become drive-thrus or fast-food delivery.

We forget that men are a different form of our species. Their thought patterns do not match our own. Men are logical creatures, while we women are the emotional ones.

We get frustrated and fed up with what we think is our man supposedly ignoring our wants and needs. We expect men to know...but we never tell them directly, we just drop hints. Or when we actually ask them to do something and they actually do it (or they attempt to predict what we want or need), but it isn't exactly to our specifications, we belittle and criticize them.

Men are such wonderful beings most of the time, yes they can be exasperating. They really do want to see us happy, they just don't understand the way we think.

If we try to tame them with anger, silence, callousness, cruelty, harshness, severeness, nagging, belittlement, or any other negative "training" then we risk loosing that special spark that attracted us to them in the first place.

So I am going to help you out, Ladies. I am going to help you get his attention by being open and vulnerable without being a ditz! When we learn to be open and vulnerable then the man can feel like, well a man!

• Be Sincere.

With every piece of advice I am about to share, the most important part of it all is BE SINCERE! If you truly care for your man, and respect your self, then BE SINCERE! Everyone of these steps should come from the heart, because if you really want to strengthen the bond between your man and you then BE SINCERE!

• Talk to him.

Men enjoy when you are interested in what they like. Ask him to explain his favorite sport, teach you about his hobbies, or what he likes most about his career. If you lack the inclination to truly understand then find something that you both already have in common and talk about that instead. If you really desire to learn more about his interests and are afraid that you may still not understand what he is telling you then don't be afraid to take notes and ask detailed questions. Really listen to what he says.

Find the moments when you can talk to your man. Tell him about your dreams, your favorite things, your experiences, your life, your sexual preferences, while your both cooking dinner, driving down the road, during, out for a walk. Have a lazy Saturday morning, bring him coffee in bed and sit or snuggle and talk. He really does want to know what makes you tick. Just find a good time to talk to him when he is not distracted by other things and be observant about whether or not you do have his attention.

• Touch him.

Men love to feel your skin against theirs. Most men really enjoy physical contact from their lover. When you are passing each other in the hallway, stop him and give him a quick kiss. If he's shaving, watch him and touch his cheek when he's rinsing off the blade. Give him a hug from behind while he's washing dishes. Hold his hand when your in the car. Snuggle on the sofa while watching t.v. Play footsie at the dinner table.

Don't be afraid of public displays of affection either. Being public and sharing some affectionate touching does not have to be raunchy. PDA's let your man know that you aren't afraid to shown the world that you are with him, and it gives him a chance to lay his claim on you also (His inner barbarian will grunt in appreciation!). Hold his hand if your out walking. Hug him when your standing in line somewhere. Give him a quick kiss whenever you get the chance.

• Say "Thank you".

If he goes out of the way to do something he usually doesn't, be sure to tell him thank you. Especially if he does that something without you nagging him or putting it on a "honey do" list. I don't care if he doesn't do it half as good as you would have, tell him thank you.

Be sure he knows how much you appreciate everything he does for you, from the expected to the unexpected. If he brings you flowers but they are the ones you hate, tell him thank you. Men cannot read a woman's mind, they can only guess at what we mean when we tell them what we want if we aren't very detailed in our explanations (This is where the "Talk to him." comes in handy!). He will mean well and he will be eager to do more for you when you tell him how much you appreciate his efforts with a simple thank you.

• Say "I am sorry".

We all make mistakes. We are humans living imperfect lives. We will do or say the wrong thing at one time or another. Telling your man that you are sorry shows that you trust him enough to open your emotions to him when you are in the wrong. Telling him "I am sorry" when you are in the wrong, shows him that you value his feelings.

Saying "I am sorry" also shows him your vulnerable side. It reminds him that you do need, and want him in your life. That simple phrase can and will make him feel more manly which will in turn entice him to show you how much he appreciated your femininity.

• Get naked during the day.

This is usually the hard one for most women. We aren't all gifted with "perfect" bodies, but believe it or not your man will not care what the "world's idea of perfection" is. To him you are perfect! Being naked with your man, during the day, definitely ranks high on the vulnerable list and it is a tough one to do, no matter your age or body type.

Close the blinds (or leave them open if your adventurous!), and run around the house in your birthday suit. Take a shower or a nice long, hot bath together. Read a book together or play on your laptops in the buff. Not too comfortable with that, them wear one of his shirts and nothing else, or even a sarong alone will work too. Still too shy, then snuggle on the sofa or floor under a blanket and watch a movie.

• Smile!

The man you are with wants to see you happy. He really does love to see a smile on your lips. He especially wants to be the one who made you smile. Not too sure about that, then wait until you are across the room from one another and smile at him. Really smile for him and see how he reacts (Caution: his reaction may cause you to blush!).

Smiling opens us up to joy and love. It is a way of reminding us that we are happy and vibrant beings. It energizes the heart and soothes the soul. Smiling changes our energies and the energies of those around us. Smiles are very contagious and life changing.

Try any or all of these steps and watch your man become more attentive and loving.

This are simple little things that we can do for our men to remind them, and us, just how much we do appreciate them. Men are genetically and instinctively set to be the providers and protectors, any one of these maneuvers will help to reinforce his innate instincts. Once your man feels more manly, then he will be very inclined to treat you like the lovely lady that he fell in love with.

Being open and vulnerable will strengthen the bond of love that you share.

If this still seems daunting then I will gladly work with you privately on how you can open up and maybe even spice up your relationship.

Blessings and Love,

I'm Sorry!

Two very simple words that can mean so much.

"I'm sorry," is a sincere apology. Whether it's for bumping into another person or damaging another's property in some way. It is used to convey how much you regret the action that may have caused another to feel hurt.

"I'm sorry?" A polite attention grabber. It can be a simplified way of asking someone to repeat what they said. Said as the listener leans in to better catch what the speaker has said, in an almost intimate gesture.

"I'm sorry!" An angry or sarcastic retort. A way to inform another as to your displeasure of a situation or comment made. A simple phrase that can easily be spit out with loathing and derision.


It can also be a shield to hide a wounded heart. A meek response to lessen the attention aimed at the mutterer.

"I'm sorry," can easily become a way to mask insecurities. A way to almost apologize for the speakers very presence. A way to hide misery with an embarrassed smile. A sound that can convey so many insecurities in such a small phrase.

When a child stumbles and the first thing they utter is a mumbled apology, it seems adorable at first, but can escalate into an insecure response as the child matures. It can become a heartbreaking utterance to a caring parent or a small reward for an abuser.

"I'm sorry!" Can be a silent scream for help. Words said in the quiet fearfulness of lost hope. Words unspoken, screamed in the mind. A silent substitution for words unsaid or actions undone out of fear.

"I'm sorry," a tearful plea of forgiveness.

"I'm sorry." A simple statement of feeling unworthy of love, attention and gentleness.

"I'm sorry." My own daughter learned that phrase early and used it way to often. A sign of a traumatic childhood? Uttered to hide the emotional scars that covered her innocent mind?

So much anger, fear, resentment, abandonment, heartache, sorrow, loathing, shame hate in such a simple phrase.

To hear her small voice utter that phrase broke my heart time and time again.

She is growing into a very headstrong and opinionated young woman. The future woman slips into her still child like smile now and then. The opinions and words that spill from her lips hold the promise of a strong free thinker. She still slips those two little words it into her vocabulary now and then, mostly from habit...I hope but only time will tell.

This is my chance to say "I'm sorry," to my daughter and her brothers for not being able to step in the way of the recent heartache they faced. To say those words with full love in my heart and complete knowledge that I could not protect them.

Pain is the teacher we fear the most and sometimes a parent has to step back and let the heartache be learned. Life isn't always candy canes and roses, and pain must be felt to know the truth of situations.

So my darling perfectly-imperfect children, "I am so very sorry" that you had to suffer what you did, but I will always be here to be a shoulder you can cry on when the pain becomes to much to bear.

I'm sorry.

With Tears in my Eyes and Love in my Heart,
Blessings and Love,
Andrea Faye

Dedicated to my daughter who inspired the post and my sons. Lights of my life and loves of my soul.

Choices and Suicide

Warning! This blog may contain triggers!  If you begin to have thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else, stop reading and seek immediate help.

Life is like hiking in the mountains. Some days the trail is smooth and easy to traverse. Other days it seems like every rock, rut, root, and boulder is jumping out trying to make you stumble and fall. The shear drops and severe heights will make you question why you do it. Why you keep going?

Ah, but the sceneries! The spectacular views can take your breathe away if you pay attention to what is around you.

Life is never easy, but it is worth the treacherous, often painful, hike...or is it?

Two people that I knew didn't think so. Life's twists and turns lead towards what they perceived as the end. They both made the choice to take that last step off the proverbial cliff.

They left behind a whole lot of heartache, lost loved ones, and so many unanswered questions.

We will never fully understand why they chose to take their lives. What decisions and sequence of events solidified the idea of ending it all.

One left a goodbye letter, one did not. That letter may explain some of the young man's reasons, but it can never explain the mixed thoughts and feelings of why he thought there was no other way. It can never touch the exact process of the pain and anguish. It will only leave more questions for those left behind.

I can never fully explain why someone would choose to end their life...I can only tell you why I didn't take mine.

When I was a young teenager I was raped. That mind numbing event brought to a head all of the physical and psychological abuse that I had been subjected to at different moments in my young life. My world had avalanched and I felt buried alive in my own head.

I was so ashamed of what had happened, what could happen again, that the thought of ending my life seemed like the only way to stop the pain and fear. To keep my mind safe from anymore neglectful emotional scars. To keep my body from being bruised from repeated sexual and physical violations.

I stood over the precipice. I looked down into the bottomless maw of black loathing, self hating, fear and anger. I resolutely reached for the device that would stop the world from hurting me again and again and again.

A sound froze me.

A simple snore.

My father's snore.

My family.

Sleeping.

Unaware that dark death stood under the same roof they peacefully slept in.

How could I do something so final to myself and hurt them so much?

Who would watch over my little brothers if i wasn't there? Help shield them from the ugly in the world. They were so young and this would shatter their innocence.

I wouldn't wake up to laughter anymore. My father's deep rumble of ease, peace, and contentment.

Instantly I became very aware that taking my life would hurt so many people. All my friends, all my family would wonder why. They would always wonder why. That unanswered question would haunt them and hurt them their whole lives.

I cried instead.

I yelled out my anger. I screamed out my fear. I was a ball of rabid rage.

I cried.

Every tear was a molten soulful cleansing of my heart and soul. Every salty drop was a warm reminder of every tear that would be shed for me if I killed myself.

I did think at one point that no one would care. That no one would miss me. They would just go on with their lives like I had never existed and they would be happier without me anyway. No one really loved me anyway...right?

They would care. They would miss me. They would go on with their lives bit that unanswered question would haunt them and they would never be totally happy...ever.

Love saved me. It wasn't my family's love for me that saved me.

It was my love for them.

The love that lived in my heart for my family and my friends saved me.

The love that I had for everything held me in this world.

My adolescent love for my pets, writing, music, walks, trees, life. It helped me stop.

The small beat of my heart that skipped for one second at the sound of a snore said "Love".

I chose not to kill myself. I chose to face the truth. I chose the tough hike of courage over the final step over the edge.

Yes, it took a lot of courage to live. It literally took a skipped beat to remind me that life is tough, but it isn't worth giving up.

I wouldn't be here now. Years of good memories helping to ease the hurtful ones. Years of living, experiencing, and loving would never have existed.

I didn't end my life because I chose Love over Death. My Choice was the hard road of Life and Love.

My beautiful, pain in the rear children wouldn't be alive. My husband wouldn't be next to me. My family would not be around me to reminding me daily that love heals if you let it into your life.

With all the pain and heartache I have gone through, I can honestly say that life is worth living.

It has been a very tough hike up this mountain called My Life. I still have ups and downs. I still stumble and occasionally twist my ankle on a misstep. I have climbed a boulder or two. Heck, I've even back tracked to take a different path. I don't know when I will reach the top of my mountain, but the view has been breath-takingly amazing the whole time!

Blessings and Love,
~AF~

If you are contemplating suicide or even just feeling lonely or depressed contact someone. There is always someone who will listen. A friend, family member or even a trained professional.

A few resources to try:

"No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7."- www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

"The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth." The Trevor Lifeline 866-488-7386 - www.thetrevorproject.org

"When You Feel You Can't Go On
Let Someone Know Your Pain
National Suicide Hotlines USA United States of America Toll-Free / 24 hours a day / 7 days a week

1-800-SUICIDE 1-800-273-TALK 1-800-784-2433 1-800-273-8255

1-800-799-4TTY (4889) Deaf Hotline " - www.suicidehotlines.com (This site has state links as well.)

Life, Death, Regrets, and Celebrations

My Grandfather passed into the Next World several days ago.

My family had warned me it was coming. I had felt the inevitable was nearer than several of my relatives wanted.

My heart is saddened but my soul is rejoicing.

It's a very bittersweet time when a loved one goes on to Heaven, joins with The All, dances back to the Summerland, returns to the Universe.

I am in mourning.

I am in mourning for the questions unasked, the stories untold. I am in sorrow for the chances missed to learn about his past and to delve into his wisdom. I will miss the entertaining versions of our family history and the laughs that we shared with him.

He was an example if a hard working, tough talking, gentle hearted man. I will celebrate the lessons he taught by his actions and gruff words.

He cared for his family as best he could. He never put up with bad manners. He expected us to love and cherish our families and friends. He experienced life fully and loved quietly. He regretted not leaving his family "more" but what we did receive was priceless.

Loved ones will leave us and we will eventually leave our loved ones behind.

It is inevitable.

It is the cycle of life.

Death is a reminder that we live. A nudge to experience, ask, talk, listen, go, grow, become.

Every passing of a loved one or friend makes me think of what I have done in my life and what I have yet to accomplish.

I won't mourn my grandfather, though I will miss him, but I will mourn all the times that I let opportunity pass me by. I will regret the chances that I did not take to sit and talk and ask all the questions I should have asked of him.

But I won't mourn him.

Instead I will celebrate his life. I will tearfully remember the love and gentleness he showered me with. I will consult the advice that he gave. I will laugh with the sound of his lectures deep in my heart. I will listen to the stories that are remembered in my soul.

I will celebrate My Grandfather by passing on what little bits of wisdom, stories, and lessons that I do recall.

Most importantly I will celebrate My Grandfather by living, loving, lecturing, and laughing.

Do you regret not talking to any of your relatives? Are there any questions you would ask them if you could?

Patience is a Virtue Learned

One thing I love about my Kiddos is that they are the best teachers that I have ever had.

One of the lessons I have learned is "patience". I have always been a tolerant person, but my Kiddos have helped fine tune that tolerance into patience.

Tolerating something/someone means that you can wait for or put up with whatever, if you have to. You don't enjoy the situation so your mood will start to fray, as well as your nerves, the longer you wait or put up with the person or thing. You may begin to think, possibly mumble, unappreciative words about this person or thing. Your energy levels will lower and become heavier and greyer, which will in turn only make the situation only seem worse and possibly ruin your day.

Having my Kiddos has opened my eyes, and heart, to this trend. It is very easy to loose your grasp of patience with a child of any age. It is a very tough lesson to learn, but when you understand the concept of patience, harmony follows.

Being patient with a person or thing means that you do not loose your temper. You are calm and relaxed as you wait on or put up with the someone or something. Your thoughts stay in your control. Your energies are higher, lighter, and lovingly brighter and your day is experienced in wonder and compassion.

One thing my Kiddos have taught me, and I use this in many aspects of my life, is when I feel my patience slipping I breathe.

I stop, I close my eyes, and I breathe.

I vary it according to what I am doing, but it is generally the same technique. (You can't safely stop and close your eyes in the middle of the road after all!)

Energies shift and harmony and patience are set to right.

Bringing patience into your situations will ease stresses, calm nerves, and make you a more compassionate person. Not only will it shift your perception of the world, it will also shift how others perceive you as well.

Bringing patience into your life will also help you to realize that neither Spirit nor the World are "out to get you". Everything does happen for a reason, though we may not understand what at the time, but there is always a lesson in it all. Patience will help ease the sting of the lessons and help you to understand them easier.

Patience helps you live in compassion, love, and harmony.

Blessings and Love to All,
A.F.

The Giving Season

Yesterday was an extremely wonderful day. We went on one of our infamous family road trips and I got to share a valuable experience of generosity with my Kiddos and a stranger.

We stopped at a gas station to fill up, grab some grub and drinks. I had noticed an older gentleman enter the convenience store before we did.

I've seen this elderly guy walking around town. He seems so lonely. Every time I see him my heart aches for him. He isn't very clean or well groomed. He is one of the "forgotten".

I noticed that he was looking at the coffee and so I walked over to the cashier and I told her, "Whatever the old man gets I'll pay for." She looked confused. So I pointed with my chin and said, "Whatever he gets, I'm buying." She said "Ok."

My youngest heard part of the exchange and I explained to him that I intended to pay for whatever the old guy was going to get. He was awed and immediately went and told his siblings what was going on.

My Hubby came in and we all finished our brief shopping spree. The older man got to the counter just ahead of us and the cashier looked up at me and I nodded my head.

She explained that we were paying for his coffee and sandwich and he looked so confused for a few seconds. I walked up and told him that we were paying for him. He was so moved especially after my youngest walked up to him and shook his hand.

Everyone in that little store was teary-eyed. As I payed, I noticed that the old guy had walked away from us. He wasn't being rude, he was discretely wiping the tears from his eyes.

That moment in time will stay with everyone who was there.

It was a simple gesture of generosity that seems to occur more often at this time of year than at any other part of the year.

It is sad how many of the "forgotten" are ignored until the "Holiday Season" brightens our spirits.

That simple $6 charitable moment may not seem like much to alot of people, but it was a life changing moment that I do not intend to push aside and only repeat once a year.

I intend to find other ways to spread love, compassion, awareness, and harmony throughout the year.

For my Kiddos to be there and experience that moment was a priceless example of generosity and "Living My Path".

For that older gentleman, it was an unexpected moment of compassion and recognition.

For the witnesses, it was an example of how we need to be aware of and remember the "forgotten".

For me...it was an affirmation!

Blessings and Love to All!
A.F.