Time Slips By Too Fast, A Mother's Thoughts

My oldest son had his Sr. Prom last night. He had told me about how a few friends and he had a conversation about how much they were going to miss each other. As he told me this I started thinking about his graduation coming up in a few weeks and his plans for the future.

He is a grown man but he will always be my little boy. He even saved my life once. (That story is for another blog.)

In two years his sister will be at this point and in four years his brother will too. They grow up too fast.

It seems like only last week that I felt this first stirrings of life in womb. I could have lost him at one point in the pregnancy, yet here he is my hero about to walk into the real world.

The usual parental thoughts pop into my head as graduation date looms closer: Did I prepare him enough? Did I teach him all he needs to know? Will he survive? Does he know that I am only a phone call away? Will he find the right woman? Will he have a great life? Will he have his own family?

The list goes on and on.

He truly is a wonderful man. I realize that he will stumble, get hurt, possibly get his heart broken, maybe even fail a time or two. I also comprehend that I have to let him walk his own road. I can no longer hold his hand and tell him what he should or shouldn't do.

I have some very sweet (and some not so sweet) memories of his childhood. I have more precious memories of my children's childhoods than my own, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Watching my children growing up is a constant reminder that time is so fleeting. We are only here for a short time. There is so much world out there and only a limited time to live in it.

There is so much that I would have loved to do for and with my children, but it didn't work out that way for various reasons and I will not regret it. I will not regret the life that I have given my children up to this point because they would not be who they are now if events had gone differently.

I can still make memories with my family. I still have things to teach them. I still have stories to tell them. I still have a life to live with them.

Time slips by too fast, so we need to live each blessed day that we are given.

Are you living your life or just existing in it?

Are you ready to change?

"We have tomorrow, but we won't always have tomorrows."

Many Blessings and Much Love,
Andrea Faye

3 Ways To Set Daily Intentions In A Hectic Workplace

We have all heard or read that setting daily intentions will improve the way our day will flow. It sounds so very easy.

Wake up. Stretch. Set your intention for the day. Get out of bed. Continue with your day with ease and grace.

Easy.

Right?

Wrong.

I have found that unless I stay home, my intentions will get shot down almost as soon as I get to work. No matter how solidly I set my intentions, the energies at work will skew my intentions. They won't be totally demolished, but just pushed off center just enough to throw me off kilter.

I really do like where I work and the people that I deal with on a daily basis. The big problem that I have is that there is such a hectic jumble of energy flowing around from all the people and objects. It can feel so energetically chaotic that I just want to hide in a hole or sit by a river.

I cannot hide from the world. I have a duties and responsibilities that I cannot ignore. So it can get very frustrating to set a wonderful intention for the day and watch it get diluted by the hour.

So I've learned a few tricks to help me keep my intentions clear throughout the day. Let me share three of my favorite ways.

1) Use Action Words in a Simple Phrase

I got this idea when I was making my "to do" list in my planner. I am more likely to get tasks done if I write my "to do's" with simple action words if I am doing them at that moment. 

For example:

• Finish blog post.
• Wash car.
• Clean Alice's cage.

The idea does take some getting used to, I will admit.

Some daily intentions I have used are: 

• Live happy.
• Share your smiles.
• Love easily.
• Listen with your heart.

2) Drink in Your Intentions

The reason that I use simple phrases for intentions is that I am constantly reminding myself of what they are by literally drinking them in.

Every time I get a cup of coffee or a glass of water I will take a few seconds to whisper my intention into the liquid and then I drink it in. I am constantly reaffirming my intention every time I whisper it and I am anchoring the intention into myself ever time I take a drink.

Today's call to Universe and a quote.

3) Write It Down Where You Will See It

I am using a paper planner again. I find it easier to keep myself organized and on track. There is a section on the daily inserts titled "phone calls" that I use as my "phone call to Universe".

This is where I write down my intention and to cement it I also add a quote. Every time I open my planner I see my intention and I repeat it.

Before my planner, I would write it on a post-it note and place it on the bathroom mirror. I have even typed them on the welcome screen on my phone.

Writing it down helps to ingrain the intention into my mind and repeatedly seeing it helps to remind and reinforce it.

These are just three of the ways that I set my daily intentions into a hectic workplace so that they remain clearer throughout the day.

It is a matter of reminding your self throughout the day of your intentions and finding ways to cement them into your mind so that they don't dissipate.

Feeding Your Soul

What do you do that feeds your soul? What makes your soul feel happy? Peaceful? Full? What brings out the song in your heart? Makes your feet dance?

It's very easy to answer those two questions for me.

For me its the following: quiet moments cuddled with my husband and kiddos, drives in the mountains, stepping into cold steams, meditating, rock hunting with my family, picnics by a river, camping, hiking, reading, writing, blogging, photographing, having a (some what) clean organized home, swimming, gardening, playing with the dogs, helping others, meditating, dancing, singing, talking to the Moon, sitting in the backyard and a few other miscellaneous activities.

That is a good example of what fulfills me. Some of the things that I do that feed my soul. Some of those are more important than others. Spending time with my kiddos is more important than cleaning house. I would rather be outside in Mama Nature then cooped up in a building. I'm happy walking in the mountains with my family, visiting old graves and ghost towns in the area.

Humans will remember to feed their bodies but will forget to feed their souls. Many people will forget to care for that unseen, important part of themselves the parts of our daily lives that make us smile, relax, breathe.

We are so used to living in such a hectic world, that we forget that we need those precious moments to download. We need to ground ourselves with those all too few moments that bring a smile to our lips, and a relaxation to our shoulders. We need to relax, just be, and just breathe.

Take the time to think about what you would do if you just had the time to do it. Realize those moments that calm you. Know what grounds your energies. Become aware of what recharges your batteries.

Now go do it!

It is that simple.

Make the choice to do it, and do it!

Let the dishes pile up for one night and go for walk in your neighborhood. Get the family to help with the dishes, then have a family movie night with everyone sprawled and cuddled on the floor.

I'll cut this blog short since my oldest has a sports banquet in an hour, and spending time with my family always feeds my soul!

Many Blessings and Much Love,

Andrea Faye

Fear Is The Teacher

We all have fears.

Experiencing Ophidiophobia?

Fears come in all shapes and sizes and can cause myriad forms of reaction. 

While some fears can  seem silly or strange, others are All fears are very serious to those who experience them.

Fears can cause different reactions as well. Fears may cause nervousness, crying, laughter, or full out panic attacks. Fears can cause the "fight or flight" responses, such as running away or striking out. Fears may even cause some people to embarrass themselves by way of bodily functions.

Experiencing fear is not cowardice. Fear is the mind's warning system. It is your mind reminding you that something possibly dangerous or scary is about to happen based off the remembrance of a past (life) event that may have caused you pain of some kind. Fear is a hyper-sensitivity to certain situations or things. 

If we acknowledge what we fear and learn why we fear what we do, we can overcome it's hold on us. We may still experience a twinge of fear, but you won't have the same strangle-hold that it once did.

Let me walk you through a personal story.

I have many fears and some I have had to face by force and others I have chosen to face in little steps.

One of the fears I have is a fear of heights, otherwise known as Acrophobia.

As a small child I used to have a recurring nightmares. In one of these I was getting ready to sit down at the very top of the huge metal slide at the park where I played at. All of a sudden I would fall off and as I was falling the slide, as I was falling past, turned into very large, old stone bricks and I could almost hear waves below me. The stone bricks would become the rocks of a cliff and the waves would get louder. I would see the grass of the park rising up to meet me, but I could almost see waves crashing in the grass, almost like a memory in my dream. Just seconds before I was about to crash into the grass, I would barely start to taste, smell, and feel salt water, I would startle and jerk awake.

A past life coming back to warn me?

Or just a coincidence that I also have a fear of heights?

I have tiptoed around this fear most of my life.

When I was younger I would tease myself with this fear. My dad was hospitalized several times when I was growing up. When I would go visit my dad in the hospital, he would usually be placed in one of the top floors. I would purposely lean on the windows and look as far down the building as I could. I used to love getting on the higher, scarier rides at carnivals. I used to love to sit at the very edge of cliffs.

I used to love that hair raising tingle when the fear would buzz through me. The adrenaline rush I would get was so stimulating.

Now as an adult I take my fear more seriously. Yes, I do think that it is based on a past life experience. Suicide or murder? Either way a fall that resulted in death, I am most certainly sure.

I experience Acrophobia.

I still tease myself with my fear. I love going on nature walks in the high country and going for hikes or drives on back roads in the forested mountains

The picture you see is of my son holding my hand. He is walking with me across a train trellis. It is maybe 30 feet above the ground, but it does make me a little nervous. He knows this and so he reached for my hand to help me get across. He tried telling me not to look down, which of course I had to do so I could make sure I didn't step in one of the openings between the ties.

We not only made it safely across, but he held my hand as we crossed back when our little nature walk was over.

We face our fears everyday and it should not be a daunting task. It does help if you have someone who is willing to hold your hand and guide you across the precipice. It helps if someone is willing to help you take those small steps. It helps when someone is there to encourage you to continue moving when you happen to look down and see just how far you might fall. It is very rewarding when someone goes the whole way with you and celebrates with you when you reach the other side.

Blessings and Love,

Andrea Faye

A Leap of Faith

Everything needs to begin from somewhere.

A massive acorn tree
doesn't start out as a tree. It comes from a small seed.

Humans aren't born walking, talking, and full grown. (Ouch!) We start from a minuscule egg that is fertilized by a much smaller sperm.

Everything on this planet has started out from something small. A humble beginning.

When you make the conscious choice to change the direction that your life is going in, you usually have to take that first small step in the direction that you want to go in.

It's that first small step that is the hardest to take because it is a leap of faith.

Every negative thought imaginable will pop into your head as you begin to lift your foot off the ground.

They did for me.

For each small step I have taken. I have heard those voices. Those fear-voices.

They are scared and so will you when you take that first step. That small, giant leap of faith.

Yes you may stumble. I won't lie to you. I did. More than once. It hurts.

That is why I am here. To show you that it takes a small step to move beyond where your life is at. It takes a small step to get past our boundaries, our comfort zone, to reach for the life that we know we are capable of achieving.

If and only if we can see, hear, and acknowledge the fear-voices. If and only if we can hear them for what they are and let them go. Don't ignore them. Don't smother them. Face them and love them...and let them go.

To live a life of harmony we must start from a humble beginning and take that small step... that little leap of faith.

Blessings and Love,
Andrea Faye

Choices and Suicide

Warning! This blog may contain triggers!  If you begin to have thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else, stop reading and seek immediate help.

Life is like hiking in the mountains. Some days the trail is smooth and easy to traverse. Other days it seems like every rock, rut, root, and boulder is jumping out trying to make you stumble and fall. The shear drops and severe heights will make you question why you do it. Why you keep going?

Ah, but the sceneries! The spectacular views can take your breathe away if you pay attention to what is around you.

Life is never easy, but it is worth the treacherous, often painful, hike...or is it?

Two people that I knew didn't think so. Life's twists and turns lead towards what they perceived as the end. They both made the choice to take that last step off the proverbial cliff.

They left behind a whole lot of heartache, lost loved ones, and so many unanswered questions.

We will never fully understand why they chose to take their lives. What decisions and sequence of events solidified the idea of ending it all.

One left a goodbye letter, one did not. That letter may explain some of the young man's reasons, but it can never explain the mixed thoughts and feelings of why he thought there was no other way. It can never touch the exact process of the pain and anguish. It will only leave more questions for those left behind.

I can never fully explain why someone would choose to end their life...I can only tell you why I didn't take mine.

When I was a young teenager I was raped. That mind numbing event brought to a head all of the physical and psychological abuse that I had been subjected to at different moments in my young life. My world had avalanched and I felt buried alive in my own head.

I was so ashamed of what had happened, what could happen again, that the thought of ending my life seemed like the only way to stop the pain and fear. To keep my mind safe from anymore neglectful emotional scars. To keep my body from being bruised from repeated sexual and physical violations.

I stood over the precipice. I looked down into the bottomless maw of black loathing, self hating, fear and anger. I resolutely reached for the device that would stop the world from hurting me again and again and again.

A sound froze me.

A simple snore.

My father's snore.

My family.

Sleeping.

Unaware that dark death stood under the same roof they peacefully slept in.

How could I do something so final to myself and hurt them so much?

Who would watch over my little brothers if i wasn't there? Help shield them from the ugly in the world. They were so young and this would shatter their innocence.

I wouldn't wake up to laughter anymore. My father's deep rumble of ease, peace, and contentment.

Instantly I became very aware that taking my life would hurt so many people. All my friends, all my family would wonder why. They would always wonder why. That unanswered question would haunt them and hurt them their whole lives.

I cried instead.

I yelled out my anger. I screamed out my fear. I was a ball of rabid rage.

I cried.

Every tear was a molten soulful cleansing of my heart and soul. Every salty drop was a warm reminder of every tear that would be shed for me if I killed myself.

I did think at one point that no one would care. That no one would miss me. They would just go on with their lives like I had never existed and they would be happier without me anyway. No one really loved me anyway...right?

They would care. They would miss me. They would go on with their lives bit that unanswered question would haunt them and they would never be totally happy...ever.

Love saved me. It wasn't my family's love for me that saved me.

It was my love for them.

The love that lived in my heart for my family and my friends saved me.

The love that I had for everything held me in this world.

My adolescent love for my pets, writing, music, walks, trees, life. It helped me stop.

The small beat of my heart that skipped for one second at the sound of a snore said "Love".

I chose not to kill myself. I chose to face the truth. I chose the tough hike of courage over the final step over the edge.

Yes, it took a lot of courage to live. It literally took a skipped beat to remind me that life is tough, but it isn't worth giving up.

I wouldn't be here now. Years of good memories helping to ease the hurtful ones. Years of living, experiencing, and loving would never have existed.

I didn't end my life because I chose Love over Death. My Choice was the hard road of Life and Love.

My beautiful, pain in the rear children wouldn't be alive. My husband wouldn't be next to me. My family would not be around me to reminding me daily that love heals if you let it into your life.

With all the pain and heartache I have gone through, I can honestly say that life is worth living.

It has been a very tough hike up this mountain called My Life. I still have ups and downs. I still stumble and occasionally twist my ankle on a misstep. I have climbed a boulder or two. Heck, I've even back tracked to take a different path. I don't know when I will reach the top of my mountain, but the view has been breath-takingly amazing the whole time!

Blessings and Love,
~AF~

If you are contemplating suicide or even just feeling lonely or depressed contact someone. There is always someone who will listen. A friend, family member or even a trained professional.

A few resources to try:

"No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7."- www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

"The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth." The Trevor Lifeline 866-488-7386 - www.thetrevorproject.org

"When You Feel You Can't Go On
Let Someone Know Your Pain
National Suicide Hotlines USA United States of America Toll-Free / 24 hours a day / 7 days a week

1-800-SUICIDE 1-800-273-TALK 1-800-784-2433 1-800-273-8255

1-800-799-4TTY (4889) Deaf Hotline " - www.suicidehotlines.com (This site has state links as well.)

Breathing Harmony Intro

Have you been looking for ways to change your life? Make everything run perfectly as you think it should!

Dammit!

Inevitably you will come across hundreds (if not thousands, possibly millions!) of books, CDs, websites, blogs, articles, etc. on balance. So many titles and different ways to bring into or find balance in your life.

Balance

That elusive wherewithal to conquer your world and your life. To live in full control of every aspect of who you want the world to see you as! To conquer every little detail of everyday and make it all perfect!

Balance can work for some...for a certain time. Balance is very hard to maintain, but any lifestyle changes require some motivation, restraint and a lot of work on your part.

I struggled for years (dare I say decades?!) to balance out work, children, home, spirituality, weight... sanity... dreams! Trying desperately to catagorize and organize every little detailed minute. Trying to bring the June Cleaver, super suburbanite, perfect soccer mom reality into my home!

Repeatedly I found that balance. Those perfect Stepfordish moments when every aspect of my imagined life would seem to meld into a perfectly balanced lie. Like any falsehood, it could only last so long.

I failed repeatedly.

I would fall into a melancholic, deep, dark, depressive funk.

I would freeze up in adject horror as every perfectly balanced, selected part of my life began to crumble around me.

The housework would pile up, bills would go unpaid, my children would act out, my work was smothering me, I would lose my sense of self. My life would become a sad fragmented jumble of a mess!

Eventually some TV show, article or book would come my way and the spark would be lit again.

I would become a "Supermom"! Everything would balance out. Life would become rosie and perfect. All the pieces would start to fall into place...

Until...

One small upheaval...

One small chunk would fall askew and my teetering house of cards would tumble around my ears.

And I would start the sad cycle all over again!

It never lasted because I would select only certain parts of my existence to balance and I would always sacrifice bits and pieces of the most important part of the equation...

...My Self!

Breathing Harmony

I am learning (Yes, I am still my own student!) not to fight the ebb and flow of life.  I don't have the "perfect" formula for finding that "perfectly balanced" life, but I don't want to. Better yet, I don't NEED to!

Life isn't about living perfect moments with perfect schedules and perfectly organized homes!

Life is messy. Life can and will get chaotic. Life can and will throw an unexpected something into your perfect path to make you stumble and get your attention. Life is about being able to step out of your comfort zone and know that it is ok!

It is ok!

Harmony is happiness and living authentically.

Harmony is knowing, truly knowing that you can bounce back from any upheavals. Harmony is smoothly moving through the ebb and flow of reality with grace and gratitude.

You can work with the flow of life, instead of trying to fight the currents. To dance to the complicated, ever changing rhythm of life's music and surpass your expectations.

You can learn to Breathe Harmony into your life! To live, learn, and compromise to attain that imperfectly perfect life!

Blessings and Love to All!
~AF~