A Leap of Faith

Everything needs to begin from somewhere.

A massive acorn tree
doesn't start out as a tree. It comes from a small seed.

Humans aren't born walking, talking, and full grown. (Ouch!) We start from a minuscule egg that is fertilized by a much smaller sperm.

Everything on this planet has started out from something small. A humble beginning.

When you make the conscious choice to change the direction that your life is going in, you usually have to take that first small step in the direction that you want to go in.

It's that first small step that is the hardest to take because it is a leap of faith.

Every negative thought imaginable will pop into your head as you begin to lift your foot off the ground.

They did for me.

For each small step I have taken. I have heard those voices. Those fear-voices.

They are scared and so will you when you take that first step. That small, giant leap of faith.

Yes you may stumble. I won't lie to you. I did. More than once. It hurts.

That is why I am here. To show you that it takes a small step to move beyond where your life is at. It takes a small step to get past our boundaries, our comfort zone, to reach for the life that we know we are capable of achieving.

If and only if we can see, hear, and acknowledge the fear-voices. If and only if we can hear them for what they are and let them go. Don't ignore them. Don't smother them. Face them and love them...and let them go.

To live a life of harmony we must start from a humble beginning and take that small step... that little leap of faith.

Blessings and Love,
Andrea Faye

I'm Sorry!

Two very simple words that can mean so much.

"I'm sorry," is a sincere apology. Whether it's for bumping into another person or damaging another's property in some way. It is used to convey how much you regret the action that may have caused another to feel hurt.

"I'm sorry?" A polite attention grabber. It can be a simplified way of asking someone to repeat what they said. Said as the listener leans in to better catch what the speaker has said, in an almost intimate gesture.

"I'm sorry!" An angry or sarcastic retort. A way to inform another as to your displeasure of a situation or comment made. A simple phrase that can easily be spit out with loathing and derision.


It can also be a shield to hide a wounded heart. A meek response to lessen the attention aimed at the mutterer.

"I'm sorry," can easily become a way to mask insecurities. A way to almost apologize for the speakers very presence. A way to hide misery with an embarrassed smile. A sound that can convey so many insecurities in such a small phrase.

When a child stumbles and the first thing they utter is a mumbled apology, it seems adorable at first, but can escalate into an insecure response as the child matures. It can become a heartbreaking utterance to a caring parent or a small reward for an abuser.

"I'm sorry!" Can be a silent scream for help. Words said in the quiet fearfulness of lost hope. Words unspoken, screamed in the mind. A silent substitution for words unsaid or actions undone out of fear.

"I'm sorry," a tearful plea of forgiveness.

"I'm sorry." A simple statement of feeling unworthy of love, attention and gentleness.

"I'm sorry." My own daughter learned that phrase early and used it way to often. A sign of a traumatic childhood? Uttered to hide the emotional scars that covered her innocent mind?

So much anger, fear, resentment, abandonment, heartache, sorrow, loathing, shame hate in such a simple phrase.

To hear her small voice utter that phrase broke my heart time and time again.

She is growing into a very headstrong and opinionated young woman. The future woman slips into her still child like smile now and then. The opinions and words that spill from her lips hold the promise of a strong free thinker. She still slips those two little words it into her vocabulary now and then, mostly from habit...I hope but only time will tell.

This is my chance to say "I'm sorry," to my daughter and her brothers for not being able to step in the way of the recent heartache they faced. To say those words with full love in my heart and complete knowledge that I could not protect them.

Pain is the teacher we fear the most and sometimes a parent has to step back and let the heartache be learned. Life isn't always candy canes and roses, and pain must be felt to know the truth of situations.

So my darling perfectly-imperfect children, "I am so very sorry" that you had to suffer what you did, but I will always be here to be a shoulder you can cry on when the pain becomes to much to bear.

I'm sorry.

With Tears in my Eyes and Love in my Heart,
Blessings and Love,
Andrea Faye

Dedicated to my daughter who inspired the post and my sons. Lights of my life and loves of my soul.

Breathing Harmony Intro

Have you been looking for ways to change your life? Make everything run perfectly as you think it should!

Dammit!

Inevitably you will come across hundreds (if not thousands, possibly millions!) of books, CDs, websites, blogs, articles, etc. on balance. So many titles and different ways to bring into or find balance in your life.

Balance

That elusive wherewithal to conquer your world and your life. To live in full control of every aspect of who you want the world to see you as! To conquer every little detail of everyday and make it all perfect!

Balance can work for some...for a certain time. Balance is very hard to maintain, but any lifestyle changes require some motivation, restraint and a lot of work on your part.

I struggled for years (dare I say decades?!) to balance out work, children, home, spirituality, weight... sanity... dreams! Trying desperately to catagorize and organize every little detailed minute. Trying to bring the June Cleaver, super suburbanite, perfect soccer mom reality into my home!

Repeatedly I found that balance. Those perfect Stepfordish moments when every aspect of my imagined life would seem to meld into a perfectly balanced lie. Like any falsehood, it could only last so long.

I failed repeatedly.

I would fall into a melancholic, deep, dark, depressive funk.

I would freeze up in adject horror as every perfectly balanced, selected part of my life began to crumble around me.

The housework would pile up, bills would go unpaid, my children would act out, my work was smothering me, I would lose my sense of self. My life would become a sad fragmented jumble of a mess!

Eventually some TV show, article or book would come my way and the spark would be lit again.

I would become a "Supermom"! Everything would balance out. Life would become rosie and perfect. All the pieces would start to fall into place...

Until...

One small upheaval...

One small chunk would fall askew and my teetering house of cards would tumble around my ears.

And I would start the sad cycle all over again!

It never lasted because I would select only certain parts of my existence to balance and I would always sacrifice bits and pieces of the most important part of the equation...

...My Self!

Breathing Harmony

I am learning (Yes, I am still my own student!) not to fight the ebb and flow of life.  I don't have the "perfect" formula for finding that "perfectly balanced" life, but I don't want to. Better yet, I don't NEED to!

Life isn't about living perfect moments with perfect schedules and perfectly organized homes!

Life is messy. Life can and will get chaotic. Life can and will throw an unexpected something into your perfect path to make you stumble and get your attention. Life is about being able to step out of your comfort zone and know that it is ok!

It is ok!

Harmony is happiness and living authentically.

Harmony is knowing, truly knowing that you can bounce back from any upheavals. Harmony is smoothly moving through the ebb and flow of reality with grace and gratitude.

You can work with the flow of life, instead of trying to fight the currents. To dance to the complicated, ever changing rhythm of life's music and surpass your expectations.

You can learn to Breathe Harmony into your life! To live, learn, and compromise to attain that imperfectly perfect life!

Blessings and Love to All!
~AF~