Time Slips By Too Fast, A Mother's Thoughts

My oldest son had his Sr. Prom last night. He had told me about how a few friends and he had a conversation about how much they were going to miss each other. As he told me this I started thinking about his graduation coming up in a few weeks and his plans for the future.

He is a grown man but he will always be my little boy. He even saved my life once. (That story is for another blog.)

In two years his sister will be at this point and in four years his brother will too. They grow up too fast.

It seems like only last week that I felt this first stirrings of life in womb. I could have lost him at one point in the pregnancy, yet here he is my hero about to walk into the real world.

The usual parental thoughts pop into my head as graduation date looms closer: Did I prepare him enough? Did I teach him all he needs to know? Will he survive? Does he know that I am only a phone call away? Will he find the right woman? Will he have a great life? Will he have his own family?

The list goes on and on.

He truly is a wonderful man. I realize that he will stumble, get hurt, possibly get his heart broken, maybe even fail a time or two. I also comprehend that I have to let him walk his own road. I can no longer hold his hand and tell him what he should or shouldn't do.

I have some very sweet (and some not so sweet) memories of his childhood. I have more precious memories of my children's childhoods than my own, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Watching my children growing up is a constant reminder that time is so fleeting. We are only here for a short time. There is so much world out there and only a limited time to live in it.

There is so much that I would have loved to do for and with my children, but it didn't work out that way for various reasons and I will not regret it. I will not regret the life that I have given my children up to this point because they would not be who they are now if events had gone differently.

I can still make memories with my family. I still have things to teach them. I still have stories to tell them. I still have a life to live with them.

Time slips by too fast, so we need to live each blessed day that we are given.

Are you living your life or just existing in it?

Are you ready to change?

"We have tomorrow, but we won't always have tomorrows."

Many Blessings and Much Love,
Andrea Faye

I'm Sorry!

Two very simple words that can mean so much.

"I'm sorry," is a sincere apology. Whether it's for bumping into another person or damaging another's property in some way. It is used to convey how much you regret the action that may have caused another to feel hurt.

"I'm sorry?" A polite attention grabber. It can be a simplified way of asking someone to repeat what they said. Said as the listener leans in to better catch what the speaker has said, in an almost intimate gesture.

"I'm sorry!" An angry or sarcastic retort. A way to inform another as to your displeasure of a situation or comment made. A simple phrase that can easily be spit out with loathing and derision.


It can also be a shield to hide a wounded heart. A meek response to lessen the attention aimed at the mutterer.

"I'm sorry," can easily become a way to mask insecurities. A way to almost apologize for the speakers very presence. A way to hide misery with an embarrassed smile. A sound that can convey so many insecurities in such a small phrase.

When a child stumbles and the first thing they utter is a mumbled apology, it seems adorable at first, but can escalate into an insecure response as the child matures. It can become a heartbreaking utterance to a caring parent or a small reward for an abuser.

"I'm sorry!" Can be a silent scream for help. Words said in the quiet fearfulness of lost hope. Words unspoken, screamed in the mind. A silent substitution for words unsaid or actions undone out of fear.

"I'm sorry," a tearful plea of forgiveness.

"I'm sorry." A simple statement of feeling unworthy of love, attention and gentleness.

"I'm sorry." My own daughter learned that phrase early and used it way to often. A sign of a traumatic childhood? Uttered to hide the emotional scars that covered her innocent mind?

So much anger, fear, resentment, abandonment, heartache, sorrow, loathing, shame hate in such a simple phrase.

To hear her small voice utter that phrase broke my heart time and time again.

She is growing into a very headstrong and opinionated young woman. The future woman slips into her still child like smile now and then. The opinions and words that spill from her lips hold the promise of a strong free thinker. She still slips those two little words it into her vocabulary now and then, mostly from habit...I hope but only time will tell.

This is my chance to say "I'm sorry," to my daughter and her brothers for not being able to step in the way of the recent heartache they faced. To say those words with full love in my heart and complete knowledge that I could not protect them.

Pain is the teacher we fear the most and sometimes a parent has to step back and let the heartache be learned. Life isn't always candy canes and roses, and pain must be felt to know the truth of situations.

So my darling perfectly-imperfect children, "I am so very sorry" that you had to suffer what you did, but I will always be here to be a shoulder you can cry on when the pain becomes to much to bear.

I'm sorry.

With Tears in my Eyes and Love in my Heart,
Blessings and Love,
Andrea Faye

Dedicated to my daughter who inspired the post and my sons. Lights of my life and loves of my soul.

The Giving Season

Yesterday was an extremely wonderful day. We went on one of our infamous family road trips and I got to share a valuable experience of generosity with my Kiddos and a stranger.

We stopped at a gas station to fill up, grab some grub and drinks. I had noticed an older gentleman enter the convenience store before we did.

I've seen this elderly guy walking around town. He seems so lonely. Every time I see him my heart aches for him. He isn't very clean or well groomed. He is one of the "forgotten".

I noticed that he was looking at the coffee and so I walked over to the cashier and I told her, "Whatever the old man gets I'll pay for." She looked confused. So I pointed with my chin and said, "Whatever he gets, I'm buying." She said "Ok."

My youngest heard part of the exchange and I explained to him that I intended to pay for whatever the old guy was going to get. He was awed and immediately went and told his siblings what was going on.

My Hubby came in and we all finished our brief shopping spree. The older man got to the counter just ahead of us and the cashier looked up at me and I nodded my head.

She explained that we were paying for his coffee and sandwich and he looked so confused for a few seconds. I walked up and told him that we were paying for him. He was so moved especially after my youngest walked up to him and shook his hand.

Everyone in that little store was teary-eyed. As I payed, I noticed that the old guy had walked away from us. He wasn't being rude, he was discretely wiping the tears from his eyes.

That moment in time will stay with everyone who was there.

It was a simple gesture of generosity that seems to occur more often at this time of year than at any other part of the year.

It is sad how many of the "forgotten" are ignored until the "Holiday Season" brightens our spirits.

That simple $6 charitable moment may not seem like much to alot of people, but it was a life changing moment that I do not intend to push aside and only repeat once a year.

I intend to find other ways to spread love, compassion, awareness, and harmony throughout the year.

For my Kiddos to be there and experience that moment was a priceless example of generosity and "Living My Path".

For that older gentleman, it was an unexpected moment of compassion and recognition.

For the witnesses, it was an example of how we need to be aware of and remember the "forgotten".

For me...it was an affirmation!

Blessings and Love to All!
A.F.