I'm Sorry!

Two very simple words that can mean so much.

"I'm sorry," is a sincere apology. Whether it's for bumping into another person or damaging another's property in some way. It is used to convey how much you regret the action that may have caused another to feel hurt.

"I'm sorry?" A polite attention grabber. It can be a simplified way of asking someone to repeat what they said. Said as the listener leans in to better catch what the speaker has said, in an almost intimate gesture.

"I'm sorry!" An angry or sarcastic retort. A way to inform another as to your displeasure of a situation or comment made. A simple phrase that can easily be spit out with loathing and derision.


It can also be a shield to hide a wounded heart. A meek response to lessen the attention aimed at the mutterer.

"I'm sorry," can easily become a way to mask insecurities. A way to almost apologize for the speakers very presence. A way to hide misery with an embarrassed smile. A sound that can convey so many insecurities in such a small phrase.

When a child stumbles and the first thing they utter is a mumbled apology, it seems adorable at first, but can escalate into an insecure response as the child matures. It can become a heartbreaking utterance to a caring parent or a small reward for an abuser.

"I'm sorry!" Can be a silent scream for help. Words said in the quiet fearfulness of lost hope. Words unspoken, screamed in the mind. A silent substitution for words unsaid or actions undone out of fear.

"I'm sorry," a tearful plea of forgiveness.

"I'm sorry." A simple statement of feeling unworthy of love, attention and gentleness.

"I'm sorry." My own daughter learned that phrase early and used it way to often. A sign of a traumatic childhood? Uttered to hide the emotional scars that covered her innocent mind?

So much anger, fear, resentment, abandonment, heartache, sorrow, loathing, shame hate in such a simple phrase.

To hear her small voice utter that phrase broke my heart time and time again.

She is growing into a very headstrong and opinionated young woman. The future woman slips into her still child like smile now and then. The opinions and words that spill from her lips hold the promise of a strong free thinker. She still slips those two little words it into her vocabulary now and then, mostly from habit...I hope but only time will tell.

This is my chance to say "I'm sorry," to my daughter and her brothers for not being able to step in the way of the recent heartache they faced. To say those words with full love in my heart and complete knowledge that I could not protect them.

Pain is the teacher we fear the most and sometimes a parent has to step back and let the heartache be learned. Life isn't always candy canes and roses, and pain must be felt to know the truth of situations.

So my darling perfectly-imperfect children, "I am so very sorry" that you had to suffer what you did, but I will always be here to be a shoulder you can cry on when the pain becomes to much to bear.

I'm sorry.

With Tears in my Eyes and Love in my Heart,
Blessings and Love,
Andrea Faye

Dedicated to my daughter who inspired the post and my sons. Lights of my life and loves of my soul.

Don't Take It So Personal

As humans we take everything very personal.

It's our Ego-Mind's screwy filtering, or non filtering, way of keeping you going down the status quo road. The Ego-Mind believes that it is the center of the universe and everything revolves around it's magnificence. (Many Teens are prime examples of the Ego-Mind in action.) Ego-Mind can take any incident that occurs in our lives and justifies the incident by making it a personal attack on you.

Let me give an example.

My Hubby did a favor for a friend by taking a job for said friend. When Hubby went to dispose of some material, he was overcharged, which went towards the friend's business account. Hubby took it very personally.

I explained to hubby that it wasn't a personal attack on him. He of course argued that he was the one driving the truck at the time and that his word on the amount in the truck was ignored and explained away, extra was added on and thus an overcharge.

I expressed that his friend has made some waves in our small town (small town political bull really) and it will be inevitable that too many people will attempt to screw his friend's business over any chance they can. I also told Hubby that it wasn't a jab at him or even his friend really, but at his friends business.

The conversation started when the guy who had overcharged came into my work. He was nice and polite to me and Hubby even though there was a guilty vibe to his energies.

I let my Hubby know that he shouldn't take it personally. At my job I get verbally harangued about prices, the weather, coworkers' attitudes, product quality, the president, etc. Most of it is out of my hands, I can attempt to rectify some scenarios as much as possible, but most of the complaints are the results of feelings of unhappiness that the customers feel powerless about and I just happen to be the one the comments are aimed at. I don't take it personally and I brush off any negative energies after the exchanges.

I refuse to take on the negative energies unknowingly aimed at me. The clients are expressing their frustrations, angers, and fears. I just happen to bear the brunt of their energies because they are unsure of where to direct their energies which take the form of verbal complaints.

My Ego-Mind can easily take all those negative comments and turn them into personal attacks. I refuse to let it. I choose to see the complaints for what they are and let their energies slide away from my own energies.

I refuse to take it personally.

Even situations that are aimed at us personally, should not be taken...well...personally.

Another example:

My daughter was made fun of by another teenage gal for wearing something that wasn't in fashion at the moment.

My daughter faced the girl (and the rest of the little clique) and told them that they were just jealous that she had the cojones to wear something she knew she looked good in instead of copying what everyone else was wearing, whether it looked good or not. She turned around and walked away.

Flash forward a few weeks later and several in that popular clique have been seen sporting a similar look that my daughter had been picked on about.

We talked about the incident and my daughter had felt intuitively that the girl had really liked what my daughter had worn but was afraid to be different from her friends. The young girl had attacked out of her own fears, at someone who was showing courage, which happened to be my daughter.

Use your intuition to understand why you are the seeming target of a situation. What is the real reason behind the attack? Is it really personal?

How often have you taken something too personally?

Blessings and Love!
~AF~