Fear, Part of The Darkness-Within

Friend, foe, teacher, adviser, companion. Fear is all these and more.

Trust it or hate it, either way Fear will always be a factor in your every day life. It is a part of your make-up. An integral part of the inner workings of the mind, part the Darkness-Within.

Fears that we face daily are innumerable. Fear of failure. Fear of accomplishment. Fear of change. Fear of stagnation. Fear of letting go. Fear of holding on. Fear of loss. Fear of gain. Etc...

We fear and we fear Fear for a myriad of personal reasons, yet Fear will always be with us. Fear is such a constant in our lives that we should learn to live with it, to stop ignoring or shutting it away, and to truly listen to Fear.

Yes,  we need to learn to be with Fear. Be open, honest and present with Fear.

Develop an understanding, if not a friendship with your inner Fear. Get to really know your Fear.

Who is your Fear? Why does your Fear do or say what It/She/He does?

Let me give you a glimpse of who my Fear is.

My Fear is a petulant teenager full of anger and sometimes hate. She doesn't mean to be that angry but She has had a lot of promises broken and She has felt a lot of hurt. She is really just a scared little girl. A little girl that doesn't want to be hurt. A little girl who has a lot of scars.

She can screech like a banshee. She can whisper tearfully. She can beg and whine. She can be loud, obnoxious, and very rude.

She doesn't mean to stop me. She really just wants to warn me. If I don't acknowledge Her, She can and will get louder than my Intuition. She will get louder in order to get attention, just like a teenager will. She just wants to be heard, just like a teenager. She will say very nasty things to get my attention, just like a teenager.
She can learn to trust me as I can learn to trust her. She can learn if I am gentle with Her and acknowledge what She has to say. I have to treat this part of my Darkness-Within as I treat my own children.

I will not stifle Her nor shut Her away. She is the part of me that helps to me stop and analyze the next step I am about to take in my life and why I am doing, saying what I do. She is the reminder that  I should be very aware. That I need to be present in my life.

Learn who your Fear is. Talk to your Fear. Do not fear your Fear any longer.

I can help you find out who your Fear is and why He/She/It does what it does or says.

Are you ready to look into this part of your Darkness-Within? Are you willing to know your Fear?

Blessings and Love,
Andrea Faye

I'm Sorry!

Two very simple words that can mean so much.

"I'm sorry," is a sincere apology. Whether it's for bumping into another person or damaging another's property in some way. It is used to convey how much you regret the action that may have caused another to feel hurt.

"I'm sorry?" A polite attention grabber. It can be a simplified way of asking someone to repeat what they said. Said as the listener leans in to better catch what the speaker has said, in an almost intimate gesture.

"I'm sorry!" An angry or sarcastic retort. A way to inform another as to your displeasure of a situation or comment made. A simple phrase that can easily be spit out with loathing and derision.


It can also be a shield to hide a wounded heart. A meek response to lessen the attention aimed at the mutterer.

"I'm sorry," can easily become a way to mask insecurities. A way to almost apologize for the speakers very presence. A way to hide misery with an embarrassed smile. A sound that can convey so many insecurities in such a small phrase.

When a child stumbles and the first thing they utter is a mumbled apology, it seems adorable at first, but can escalate into an insecure response as the child matures. It can become a heartbreaking utterance to a caring parent or a small reward for an abuser.

"I'm sorry!" Can be a silent scream for help. Words said in the quiet fearfulness of lost hope. Words unspoken, screamed in the mind. A silent substitution for words unsaid or actions undone out of fear.

"I'm sorry," a tearful plea of forgiveness.

"I'm sorry." A simple statement of feeling unworthy of love, attention and gentleness.

"I'm sorry." My own daughter learned that phrase early and used it way to often. A sign of a traumatic childhood? Uttered to hide the emotional scars that covered her innocent mind?

So much anger, fear, resentment, abandonment, heartache, sorrow, loathing, shame hate in such a simple phrase.

To hear her small voice utter that phrase broke my heart time and time again.

She is growing into a very headstrong and opinionated young woman. The future woman slips into her still child like smile now and then. The opinions and words that spill from her lips hold the promise of a strong free thinker. She still slips those two little words it into her vocabulary now and then, mostly from habit...I hope but only time will tell.

This is my chance to say "I'm sorry," to my daughter and her brothers for not being able to step in the way of the recent heartache they faced. To say those words with full love in my heart and complete knowledge that I could not protect them.

Pain is the teacher we fear the most and sometimes a parent has to step back and let the heartache be learned. Life isn't always candy canes and roses, and pain must be felt to know the truth of situations.

So my darling perfectly-imperfect children, "I am so very sorry" that you had to suffer what you did, but I will always be here to be a shoulder you can cry on when the pain becomes to much to bear.

I'm sorry.

With Tears in my Eyes and Love in my Heart,
Blessings and Love,
Andrea Faye

Dedicated to my daughter who inspired the post and my sons. Lights of my life and loves of my soul.

Life, Death, Regrets, and Celebrations

My Grandfather passed into the Next World several days ago.

My family had warned me it was coming. I had felt the inevitable was nearer than several of my relatives wanted.

My heart is saddened but my soul is rejoicing.

It's a very bittersweet time when a loved one goes on to Heaven, joins with The All, dances back to the Summerland, returns to the Universe.

I am in mourning.

I am in mourning for the questions unasked, the stories untold. I am in sorrow for the chances missed to learn about his past and to delve into his wisdom. I will miss the entertaining versions of our family history and the laughs that we shared with him.

He was an example if a hard working, tough talking, gentle hearted man. I will celebrate the lessons he taught by his actions and gruff words.

He cared for his family as best he could. He never put up with bad manners. He expected us to love and cherish our families and friends. He experienced life fully and loved quietly. He regretted not leaving his family "more" but what we did receive was priceless.

Loved ones will leave us and we will eventually leave our loved ones behind.

It is inevitable.

It is the cycle of life.

Death is a reminder that we live. A nudge to experience, ask, talk, listen, go, grow, become.

Every passing of a loved one or friend makes me think of what I have done in my life and what I have yet to accomplish.

I won't mourn my grandfather, though I will miss him, but I will mourn all the times that I let opportunity pass me by. I will regret the chances that I did not take to sit and talk and ask all the questions I should have asked of him.

But I won't mourn him.

Instead I will celebrate his life. I will tearfully remember the love and gentleness he showered me with. I will consult the advice that he gave. I will laugh with the sound of his lectures deep in my heart. I will listen to the stories that are remembered in my soul.

I will celebrate My Grandfather by passing on what little bits of wisdom, stories, and lessons that I do recall.

Most importantly I will celebrate My Grandfather by living, loving, lecturing, and laughing.

Do you regret not talking to any of your relatives? Are there any questions you would ask them if you could?